GROW Podcast: Meet Megan and Kristin: Goddess business owners at Haumea in Sun Prairie.

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Kick-ass prenatal yoga, childbirth education, lactation support, vinyasa classes, baby & mama yoga, and a place in the Madison area that offers community, connection, and a heart-centered place to relax and restore. Meet Megan Stansil-Reilly and Kristin Nemecek, the amazing owners of Haumea in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin.

 

 

 

 

GROW Podcast: Interview with Lori: business owner, adoption advocate, Reactive Attachment Disorder specialist, cancer survivor, and more.

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My sister and I both fight the urge to be analytical to the extreme. We are armchair experts at therapy. But this interview is so much more than us analyzing the ins and outs of growing up Midwest “nice” with an emotionally challenged atheist Dad in a home where a lot of feelings got buried. Where does all that unexpressed anger go? How do we know when our feelings aren’t totally irrational?


And other questions like do you trust destiny when your life is on the line? We discuss surviving Stage 3 breast cancer, the violent rage that sometimes comes with Reactive Attachment Disorder and how to protect your other children from it, a miracle pregnancy, anxiety, depression, quantum physics and more. We started off by picking up the thread of a chat we had already been having… How we filter our own emotions…. to see if it’s valid before expressing it and then expressing it in a way that won’t ruffle feathers. WAKING UP is hard sometimes. This conversation details the inner process we all at some times go through to give ourselves permission to feel. Check out Lori’s work at Red Thread Learning.



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Here’s the breakdown:


2:40 Emotions…when are we being unreasonable?


5:00 A brain on a stick..when our minds and bodies aren’t connected


6:45 Letting our emotions past the gate of analysis: is the feeling warranted?


7:25 Which emotions are we repressing? Joy is a big one


9:00 Would you rather have a life filled with big highs and lows or something stable in the middle without any extreme highs?


10:30 Seasonal depression, welcome to thinking about mortality and DEATH


12:00 Having a baby brings thoughts about mortality


14:00 When your parent raises you to live life afraid


14:20 WATCH OUT FOR SHARKS AND RIPTIDES


17:20 My mom could maybe use some safety precautions


19:30 We want to know our feelings and experiences matter


22:00 A submarine of women on their periods is not bound for doom


22:30 Does it matter if a person’s unreasonable since you have to deal with it either way?


24:45 There’s usually a need under the anger


25:30 Fear is the flip side of anger and our survival used to depend on being accepted by the tribe


27:00 When even admitting or expressing that you’re angry is a problem


28:00 Birth Story and the back story starts here


28:30 What happens when you discover stage 3 breast cancer when you have a one year old and have just moved overseas


30:00 Life turns upside down


31:30 Docs say breast milk does not contain cancer from the breast, but chemo passes through breastmilk


32:15 Dad with some supportive words


34:00 Going into surgery thinking you’ll have both breasts coming out, but things don’t always go as planned


34:30 Lori is told that getting pregnant would kill her


35:00 Lori starts thinking of adoption: the oncologist doctor says – you shouldn’t think about the future because you probably won’t be here- thanks Doc


37:30 Two international adoptions and Lori gets those tubes tied


40:00 Miracle pregnancy


43:30:00 We don’t know if it will kill you..it might, we don’t know


45:00 Being pro-choice does not make the decision of abortion easy- even when death is on the line


49:00 Faith v. logic….winner=faith


51:00 Telling Dad about a pregnancy he didn’t approve of…my sister gets hung up on


53:00 My dad couldn’t have been any worse at this and, by the way, NEVER tell a pregnant woman she’s not thinking clearly because she’s pregnant


56:00 Unthinkable to make others angry


58:00 The stress of the possibility of recurrence sticks around


58:30 It’s ok to lose a breast if it means you’re alive


59:30 No pressure, but your babies brains are affected by the state of the mother during pregnancy.


1:1:30 Concern for who’s carrying the baby in adoption and Red Thread


1:3:00 Illusion of control during pregnancy and the process of adoption means letting go of some control


1:5:30 The invisible Red Thread – we are connected to the meaningful people in our lives past and present and future


1:7:00 Sorrow that adopted kids can feel the pain of not being with the birth family even if you feel you were meant to parent them


1:09:00 Lori came to earth with an outline


1.09:30 Parallel universes, free will, and destiny


1:13:00 It’s possible Kris is nuts


1:14:30 Quantum physics and there are multiple realities existing


1:16:30 All things are connected


1:20:30 Anger


1:21:00 Attachment disorder: when your child becomes violent


1:22:30 Sacrificing your emotions to maintain peace and keep everyone safe


1:26:30 If you come close to me (to bite me), I’m going to assume you want a hug


1:27:30 I am pretending to be calm even if the emotional house is burning down


1:29:00 PTSD, stifling anger messes up the stress response


1:30:30 Trauma informed caregiving: getting professional training because of how attachment disorder was disrupting the home


1:35:00 Where do you feel emotions in your bod? Focusing and saying yes.


1:38:00 It’s impossible to be triggerless and yet sometimes we do it


1:39:00 An uncomfortable feeling is just a thought in your head and a sensation in your body


1:40:30 Depression – accepting it when it happens


GROW podcast: Interview with 3 wise women.

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In this episode, you will hear the voices of women who have over 230 years between them walking this planet. My mom and two Aunts join me in a conversation that will inspire and surprise you.

If you don’t have any women in their 70’s and 80’s in your life, give a listen. We talk about everything from growing up in a rigid Catholic household and how it affected sexuality, to why we still want to please our parents even when we have our own kids, to living with an alcoholic who was a hero of the community. Oh, and doctors refusing to prescribe birth control to married women. !! We talk about my aunt’s non-profit (avisionforcleanwater.org)  to get remote villages clean water and a family member who chooses a life as a cloistered nun with little contact with the outside world. Here’s a juicy quote from my mom during this interview regarding the church:

“I was livid at myself for having allowed myself for that many years to rely on somebody else to make my moral choices”

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Enjoy.

2:00 Kris gives some background for why she wanted to podcast and hear women’s stories

5:00 Introductions

7:00 My Aunt MJ: retired at age 78, high trauma emergency/surgery nurse in inner city Detroit

8:30 My Aunt Eileen starts a non-profit: A Vision for Clean Water avisionforcleanwater.org , helping 400,000 people

10:30 How do you take a step toward doing what you really want to do?

12:20 Vision boarding and Master Mind groups

16:30 I get masterminded!

18:30 Where did MJ get her positive thoughts from? What happens when all of a sudden you can’t live your life. Recovery International with Dr. Lowe

19:30 Panic attacks and not functioning

23:30 Do you know the root of mental health issues when they happen?

24:30 When external expectations from parents affect you

26:00 Church every day, rosary every night on your knees,  3 times a day pray out loud to the bells of the church ringing, visitors had a choice of getting on their knees to pray or leaving

28:30 My grandmother was a college graduate in 1931

29:30 What passes through generations?

31:30 Living with an alcoholic parent who was a great man and beloved community member

37:30 Sin. Sexuality. Makeup is called barn paint in a strict household.

41:30 Strict rules vs. Total freedom for your own kids

42:30 Finding your own way in parenting

43:30 You keep the good from your upbringing and drop the rest

45:00 Someone says to my aunt, “You taught me how to love somebody who doesn’t follow my rules”

46:00 Radical compassion may be more important than old models of morality based on rules, religious expectations, etc.

50:30 Common traits of grandchildren

52:30 Virgins getting married, consequences could be eternal fire or getting disowned?

53:30 A snowstorm creates an sexual ethical crisis

55:30 Doctors refuse to prescribe birth control to a woman getting married

59:00 A priest causes an existential sexual crisis

1:00:30 Living in denial: when you let other people make your choices

1:01:00 My dad almost wipes a shoe full of shit on a priest’s desk

1:03:00 In 1968: Vatican 2 includes the idea that personal conscience is a factor in how to make your own choices

1:04:00 If a system doesn’t support your beliefs, you leave the system

1:06:00 Cloistered Nun life: Linna.Sister Maria

1:25:45 The letter about Communion to the mother of the atheist husband to be

1:28:30 Trying not to lie to your mother even as an adult

1:30:00 Why don’t you speak your truth to others

1:31:00 Girls in the 40’s getting their periods

1:38:30 Birthing in the 1960’s and 70’s

1:42 Skin to skin…not a thing in the 70’s,  and, by the way, let’s do that epidural at home

1:43 The trauma of a birth when the birthing woman is not supported and the wishes of the couple not respected

1:46 Kris tries not to get furious

1:49 When you feel excluded from having a say in your birth

1:51 Being mistreated in birth affects your entire life and your ability to trust

1:52 Bonding is something than can happen at any time

1:54 How therapy can help repair any missed bonding opportunities

1:56 Letting go of systems

1:57:10 The power is with the mother birthing: yes, MOM!

1:58:30 The benefits of hospital birth

2:00:00 The benefit of a doula

2:05:00 Sometimes you need intensity of connection in childbirth (This interview has flipped: Kris talks about her birth stories)

2:08:30 This childbirth class is bullshit

2:10:00 Childbirth is big and what about postpartum

2:11:00 Childbirth is spiritual

2:13:00 Postpartum depression when no one is talking about it

2:17:00 My Aunt gives me a dose of reality

2:19:00 Kris forgets to pick up her child from school

 

Breakdown of minutes soon to come.

GROW: Podcast Girl Talk with Kelly and Abbie

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Well, four episodes in, and things have kind of gone to hell in terms of being informational. This episode is straight Girl Talk. Here are two of my BFF’s, Kelly and Abbie. We started girl talking when we worked together at a pregnancy and early parenting store and resource center, selling nipple creams, nursing bras and booty balms….and we have not stopped since. They are brilliant and funny…I hope you enjoy their company as much as I do.

 

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If you are missing your girlfriends or are looking for a little warm, bubbly company, take a listen. We are not, in fact, drunk, though it sounds like we are.  Is there a random topic we don’t cover? Check out this list:

2:00 Kelly and Abbie don’t like long walks on the beach
2:30 We try and introduce ourselves
4:15 Kelly may be trying to eliminate half the human species
5:30 Abbie talks homeschooling
9:30 Library Cake Pans
12:15 Kris has a healthy relationship with her phone
14:00 Cake Day
14:40 Dirty Library Cake Pans and penis cookies
17:00 The saddest place in America
18:30 Rocky Rococo looks like the Weekend at Bernie’s corpse
19:45 We don’t know why Kelly lies about seeing idiotic 80’s movies
20:00 Sorry, John Lithgow
21:15 Is Magnum PI hot?
23:00 Is modern My Little Ponies kink?
25:00 Why are we still talking about John Lithgow?
27:30 Let’s talk about the horrors of putting underwear in the freezer at sleepovers
29:30 When did you get your period?
30:15 It’s hurdles day in gym class, the kotex kit
31:30 Kelly claims she did not invent the word Xennial
32:00 Let’s finish that hurdles day story
34:00 IF FOR ANY REASON, YOU DON’T WANT TO PUT SOMETHING INSIDE YOU, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO
38:00 2 sweet girls interrupt
39:00 Hot mama with food stuck under your boob at Panera
41:30 The UPS guy gets a R rated surprise
43:30 Corduroy: Do we shave our pants?
45:00 Kelly comes out about loving Disneyworld
47:20 Why are we buying Minnie and Mickey ears?
48:00 Why do people love Disneyland?
52:00 Minnie and Mickey ears are not sexy
53:30 There is every sexy costume: bunny, Cookie monster, crayon, zombie…taco sauce?
56:15 What about kink?
57:45 What’s your favorite kind of graph?
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A Mother’s Rights #15: You have the right to change your priorities.

Maybe before you became a mom, you were a fucking lion at work and hammered out 12 hour workdays, ate leftover Indian for dinner and got weekly massages. Maybe you spent most of your monthly budget on lingerie and had Outlander-style fantasy sex with your partner every day.

Then after holding a sweet heavenly baby in your arms for the first time, your world underwent a seismic shift. You stopped caring about the things that were happening at work. Instead you hid behind your desk skyping your baby and knitting booties. You abandoned beautiful lingerie for whatever bra worked best for pumping. You got sad being away from home and couldn’t eat Indian food anymore because it gave you heartburn. And every time you had sex, you peed a little because your pelvic floor was a like a stretched out old rubber band someone left in the sun.

Amidst all this change in your life, it may occur to you that your priorities have changed too. You may be looking around and saying: “Well, who the fuck am I now?”

 

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Goddess, yes, things are changing. Your life is changing. Your body is changing. Your priorities are changing. YOU are changing. It is tempting to hold so tightly to the way you used to be that you cannot see the gift of who you are becoming.

Who you are becoming is someone with different priorities. You have to be. There’s a person now or more than one person who requires you for bonding and play and learning and care and sustenance. We are important.

To move deeper into the majesty of ourselves, we need to let go of who we thought we were just a little bit and little bit more. Because motherhood changes us in every way and it is 100% ok to let motherhood change you. To allow your desires and preferences and needs to slowly or suddenly shape your life into a new thing.

Maybe you taper down to 8 hour days at work or maybe you use your savings to stay home for the first year. Maybe you start cooking casseroles for God’s sake and trade your massages for baby and mom yoga. Maybe you wear organic cotton over-the-head bras with thick nipple pads and spackle your nipples with balm while your lacy bras gather dust in the back of their drawers. Girl, it’s fine.

Accepting the ways your priorities change is so healthy and good and nourishing. Letting the love that bonds you to your child sweep over your life and transform it is a natural and necessary thing. It is not just transformative to your life but to the world. Because the world needs women who let the elemental forces of motherhood sweep through them, sweep through their relationships and priorities.

These elementals forces help shape the future into one where motherhood is important and profound and sacred. Just like that sweet baby is important and profound and sacred and just like you are important and profound and sacred.

You have the right to change your priorities and to trust that whatever you dive into in this precious moment in your life, the essence of you and your goddess beautiful self will remain perfectly, exquisitely you.

A Mother’s Rights #14: You have the right to parent your own way.

My kids and I had a talent show in the living room this morning. We each took turns either singing a song, pretending to play the piano, dancing, or play-acting martial arts. The house is messy. The dishes weren’t done. I have an acrylic paint stain on the carpet that is waiting for me to clean. But this is how I parent and I like it. I like being with my kids and spending time enjoying their company in the morning before getting to the chores. It helps me feel grateful. I want them to feel the bonds that they have to each other and to learn that spending time with each other is as important as any work to be done.

 

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If you could see the inside of my van, you would be horrified. In college, we used to go a bar that served free peanuts you shelled yourself and then dropped the shells on the floor. My van looks like that floor, except instead of peanuts, it is the remnants of every kid-friendly food. I let my kids eat in the car, because it is sometimes the only place they are sitting still long enough to eat.

For other moms, this style of parenting might be excruciating: playing games or dancing while there was work to be done. A van filled with crumbs and wrappers.

But they’re not me.

There is value in different ways of parenting. But the real value for you and your kids is how YOU parent. Letting them see you. Letting your style flourish. Doing what works. There is joy in expressing yourself through parenting and, yes, parenting is an art form. Your style is unique to you.

You create something with your children through the design of your days with them. They learn how to bond and prioritize, how to balance play and exercise and work and thought. But they also learn by watching you navigate your day. And your way of doing things is great if it works for your family.

Likewise, it is good practice to check your horror at how other people parent. For me, seeing kids at a playground in pressed, spotless clothes while their mom shouts, “Oh, now look! You’ve gotten dirt on your shoes!” is a real test for me. Or toddlers with gigantic bows as big as their heads and lacy skirts who look like they want to tear everything off and run naked in the grass.  It helps to be curious, be accepting.

No family is the same.  And most likely, you are doing it just right.