My sister and I both fight the urge to be analytical to the extreme. We are armchair experts at therapy. But this interview is so much more than us analyzing the ins and outs of growing up Midwest “nice” with an emotionally challenged atheist Dad in a home where a lot of feelings got buried. Where does all that unexpressed anger go? How do we know when our feelings aren’t totally irrational?
And other questions like do you trust destiny when your life is on the line? We discuss surviving Stage 3 breast cancer, the violent rage that sometimes comes with Reactive Attachment Disorder and how to protect your other children from it, a miracle pregnancy, anxiety, depression, quantum physics and more. We started off by picking up the thread of a chat we had already been having… How we filter our own emotions…. to see if it’s valid before expressing it and then expressing it in a way that won’t ruffle feathers. WAKING UP is hard sometimes. This conversation details the inner process we all at some times go through to give ourselves permission to feel. Check out Lori’s work at Red Thread Learning.
Here’s the breakdown:
2:40 Emotions…when are we being unreasonable?
5:00 A brain on a stick..when our minds and bodies aren’t connected
6:45 Letting our emotions past the gate of analysis: is the feeling warranted?
7:25 Which emotions are we repressing? Joy is a big one
9:00 Would you rather have a life filled with big highs and lows or something stable in the middle without any extreme highs?
10:30 Seasonal depression, welcome to thinking about mortality and DEATH
12:00 Having a baby brings thoughts about mortality
14:00 When your parent raises you to live life afraid
14:20 WATCH OUT FOR SHARKS AND RIPTIDES
17:20 My mom could maybe use some safety precautions
19:30 We want to know our feelings and experiences matter
22:00 A submarine of women on their periods is not bound for doom
22:30 Does it matter if a person’s unreasonable since you have to deal with it either way?
24:45 There’s usually a need under the anger
25:30 Fear is the flip side of anger and our survival used to depend on being accepted by the tribe
27:00 When even admitting or expressing that you’re angry is a problem
28:00 Birth Story and the back story starts here
28:30 What happens when you discover stage 3 breast cancer when you have a one year old and have just moved overseas
30:00 Life turns upside down
31:30 Docs say breast milk does not contain cancer from the breast, but chemo passes through breastmilk
32:15 Dad with some supportive words
34:00 Going into surgery thinking you’ll have both breasts coming out, but things don’t always go as planned
34:30 Lori is told that getting pregnant would kill her
35:00 Lori starts thinking of adoption: the oncologist doctor says – you shouldn’t think about the future because you probably won’t be here- thanks Doc
37:30 Two international adoptions and Lori gets those tubes tied
40:00 Miracle pregnancy
43:30:00 We don’t know if it will kill you..it might, we don’t know
45:00 Being pro-choice does not make the decision of abortion easy- even when death is on the line
49:00 Faith v. logic….winner=faith
51:00 Telling Dad about a pregnancy he didn’t approve of…my sister gets hung up on
53:00 My dad couldn’t have been any worse at this and, by the way, NEVER tell a pregnant woman she’s not thinking clearly because she’s pregnant
56:00 Unthinkable to make others angry
58:00 The stress of the possibility of recurrence sticks around
58:30 It’s ok to lose a breast if it means you’re alive
59:30 No pressure, but your babies brains are affected by the state of the mother during pregnancy.
1:1:30 Concern for who’s carrying the baby in adoption and Red Thread
1:3:00 Illusion of control during pregnancy and the process of adoption means letting go of some control
1:5:30 The invisible Red Thread – we are connected to the meaningful people in our lives past and present and future
1:7:00 Sorrow that adopted kids can feel the pain of not being with the birth family even if you feel you were meant to parent them
1:09:00 Lori came to earth with an outline
1.09:30 Parallel universes, free will, and destiny
1:13:00 It’s possible Kris is nuts
1:14:30 Quantum physics and there are multiple realities existing
1:16:30 All things are connected
1:21:00 Attachment disorder: when your child becomes violent
1:22:30 Sacrificing your emotions to maintain peace and keep everyone safe
1:26:30 If you come close to me (to bite me), I’m going to assume you want a hug
1:27:30 I am pretending to be calm even if the emotional house is burning down
1:29:00 PTSD, stifling anger messes up the stress response
1:30:30 Trauma informed caregiving: getting professional training because of how attachment disorder was disrupting the home
1:35:00 Where do you feel emotions in your bod? Focusing and saying yes.
1:38:00 It’s impossible to be triggerless and yet sometimes we do it
1:39:00 An uncomfortable feeling is just a thought in your head and a sensation in your body
1:40:30 Depression – accepting it when it happens